Ladies By Design

The Nourished Life

In my life, there always seems to be someone who needs something. And with all the medical issues I deal with, sometimes I feel as if I carry everything alone. Self-care is necessary for survival, as is making a habit of refueling body and soul. Sometimes this means time out with friends to relax and unwind, and sometimes it requires making arrangements to have times of quiet. Rest is mandatory. Nourishment, essential. We take better care of those we love when we take care of ourselves, too.

 

I have to cultivate the habit of stepping away to see that my needs are met. It may seem daunting, but it's necessary. Sometimes I feel isolated, or believe there are no resources. But the truth is there is a way to self care- if I am willing to commit to it, to work towards it. Wellness takes work. It takes planning ahead- and sometimes, a willingness to step into the unknown. To put my needs out there and ask for help. It's risky, and sometimes I don’t want to ask. But the benefits are worth the risk. 

 

Sometimes it's an issue of “want to”. What keeps me from drawing aside, what do I gain from over-working? Does it help me forget? Does it make me feel better about everything that seems wrong in my life?

 

Everything I commit to fills a need in me. The need to be a good wife and mother. The need to feel valued, like my work matters. Do I deny my needs because I have to be a martyr to feel acceptable? Do I believe that I do not have the right to take care of me, too?

 

It’s time to give permission to have needs. To take care of me- in a healthy way. Chocolate cake may taste good for a moment, but it won’t heal the gash in my soul, nor will it placate the troubles in my heart.

 

Exercise, movement, is healing. I walk and pour out, and sometimes I want to run. I don’t do it well (or for very long), but I need the physical reminder of what I am carrying emotionally. I run, a block, maybe two, and at the bottom of the hill my chest heaves and I sputter and breathe jagged breaths and it feels like my life. I have to train for the long haul and I have to rest before I am spent. 

 

Jesus did said to serve others, just as He did. And He served with His whole heart- but he also set the example of drawing apart regularly and seeking rest. If we want be like Jesus, we have to balance pouring out and finding rest.

 

Isaiah 55:2 says:

Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and you will delight in the richest of fare.

The Message puts it this way: “Pay attention, come close now, listen carefully to my life-giving, life-nourishing words. I’m making a lasting covenant with you, the same that I made with David: sure, solid, enduring love.”

 

We have to make time to let God’s love wash over us, healing, restoring, giving rest in spirit, soul, and body. Don’t take this for granted. We need fuel not filler. We need to pursue that which nourishes, that which truly fills. We can chase after what leaves us empty, running on fumes- or we can plan time to rest and recover. Self control is not only self denial.  Self control is seeking that which gives lasting nourishment- in spirit, soul and body. It’s making time to find daily abundance in the heart of God.

 

 

What Are You Doing?

I often find that my children are like little mirrors that offer revelations to me about my relationship with God. It is not a rare thing for me learn spiritual lessons in the midst of "Vehement Parenting". You know the kind I mean. The times when I am desperately trying to get across to my children that I really have their best interest at heart, and I am not trying to squelch their happiness, but rather, teach them important life lessons now, BECAUSE I LOVE THEM!!!! (As I am sometimes tempted to holler.)
Much as I long to protect them, I also want them to learn the hard lessons now, when the consequence is losing toys or media privileges for a week or so, rather than re-possession of a vehicle or a home by the bank when they are older.(Love and Logic for Early Childhood: Practical Parenting from Birth to Six Years by Jim Fay and Charles Fay)

Yet, in the times when I find myself saying things like, "I can't get soup out of that tree..." to a hungry child on the way to a restaurant, or "You have a choice... Feel free to keep the toys you take responsibility for..." or, "You have to put on your winter coat before we can go to the park..." I have the wonderful opportunity to get some insight into my relationship with the Lord.

Blaine, who is seven, knows he will have much more fun wherever we are going, but sometimes he gets stuck in not wanting to do the very thing he must do so we can take the next step. He does not WANT to put on that coat. "You want me to be PUFFY!!", my younger son will wail. I shake my head, muster up self-control, and say, "Warm, honey. The word is warm." But he HATES being puffy. It is uncomfortable, and he is perfectly warm here in the house. Why does he need that big uncomfortable coat? Yet Mommy knows that it is rather chilly outside and he will want that coat later. Better be prepared now than freeze later. Right?

Sometimes when I am locked in the battle of the wills with my children I find the Lord saying, "Does this remind you of anyone?" Oh yes, I confess. The human condition is much the same for a 7 year old and his Mommy, too. We do not like authority. We want it OUR way. But our heavenly Father really does know some things we don't. He often calls us to something that may be uncomfortable. We might feel like Blaine in that "puffy", uncomfortable coat for a while, but in the end, we will be held in the warmth of His plans, and His purposes.

So often I find that I am "kicking against the goads". This was a proverb used by Greek writers, which Paul references in Acts 26:14. The imagery is of an ox who kicks against the "pricks", or a stick with a pointed piece of iron fastened to the end of it, thus injuring himself. The "goads" were used only on mature oxen, who ought to know better. (Ouch!)

What causes me to resist Him? I know in my heart that His ways are best, His plans are for my hope and my future. (Jeremiah 29:11) But my brain sometimes gets stuck on what I want. I am wanting something to happen now, or to happen my way, and God is saying to me, the timing is not yet right. Wait a little while and you will be blessed. And put this on, so you will be taken care of. Sigh...

Instead of fussing at the kiddos when they are "Off task", the teachers at my boys' school are using questions to help the kids think about their choices. I printed out two copies and put them in places where I will see them, in hopes that next time I feel frustrated with trying to help my boys make better decisions, I can catch sight of this and ask these same questions of them. The beauty of this is that I can use this on myself, to, to keep myself focused on the Lord rather than distracted by material goods or TV or other forms of media, of which I am still keeping a distance from. So here are the questions:
 

• What are you doing?
• What are you supposed to be doing?
• Are you doing it?
• What are you going to do about it?

The last one is my personal favorite because a plan has to be put in place to CHANGE the behavior. A commitment, if you will. I am asking myself these questions, and several more: Am I spending most of my time complaining that my life is not what I want? 0r am I spending my time making a plan to change what I can, and submit the rest to what the Lord?

This mindset involves active change. It involves committing to do something productive-- above all seeking out the Lord's plans and purposes, and His guidance as to what exactly I need to do, and what, exactly I am going to do about it. Yes, it takes some work, and putting on habits like prayer, bible study, and scripture memory might feel a bit like that puffy coat at first. But when I have allowed the Lord to transform my entire life, I will find that the extra baggage I was carrying has actually been removed, and I have, in truth, found freedom and lightness in the process.

 
 

Meanings By Design

As a writer, I find that words have a particular fascination for me. I love that one word in a sentence can be altered, or tweaked just a bit, and a completely different meaning can be created. For example, in church circles many people will say, "I'm waiting on the Lord," for this thing or that event, and we are often taught to wait on Him to provide. His timing is perfect, after all. Yet I am learning that there is difference in waiting on the Lord , and waiting in Him.

I personally am not always good at waiting. This may not be what the person sharing intended, but the description of waiting on God at times conjures in my mind images of situations such as waiting for my ten year old to get out of the shower (he'd run the hot water 'til it ran out if I'd let him.) Or waiting in a long checkout line. Or, waiting on the phone for a real person to pick up, while I press 1 for the department I need, four or five times... After trying to circumvent the system by pressing "0" (think Operator) only to be told "your selection is invalid" and sent back to the beginning menu to start the process all over again. Ugh. There I stand, hands on hips, foot tapping impatiently waiting for the outcome. Filled with anxiety, annoyance, and irritation. 

Dictionary.com (one of my favorite sites) lists the definition of impatience as an inability or unwillingness to wait. Thesaurus.com lists some of the synonyms of "impatience"  which I am sure we have all experienced during some waiting period or another: agitation, anger, annoyance, anxiety, disquietude, edginess, fretfulness, hastiness, impetuosity, intolerance, irritability, nervousness, quick temper, rashness, restlessness, shortness, snappiness, suspense, uneasiness, vehemence, and "ants in the pants". These words bring images of discomfort and "disquietude", indeed. My heart rate speeds up just reading them. 

Now tweak the sentence a bit, and instead let's talk about waiting in the Lord. Immediately the tapping feet disappear. I take deep, calming breaths. Instead of standing restlessly, I picture myself peaceful, resting, completely encircled by Him. Protected. Secure. Covered in His will, in His timing, and, especially, in His love. And in His love I find the antonyms of impatience: ease, endurance, forbearance, patience, tolerance, waiting, and most of all, willingness. 

Willingness to trust, willingness to wait for His plan, His purposes, His timing. Willingness to believe that He has something better for me, that His plans are for Hope, for life, and for my future security. Take a look at these versions of Jeremiah 29:11 from the New American Standard Bible: 'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity, plans to give you a future and a hope. 

Now, here's the same verse from The Message Bible: "This is God's Word on the subject:"... /As soon as His timing is complete/"...and not a day before, I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for."

The Holman Christian Standard Bible says that The Lord declares --, He does not merely say this, He does not merely speak, but His declaration, His promise, is that He knows the plans He has for us. The Amplified Version speaks of the Lord giving us hope in our "final outcome."

The New Living Translation puts it this way: For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." 

So here is the question, so aptly put by Stasi Eldredge in Captivating, Unveiling the Mysteries of A Woman's Soul: Will we choose to trust in the heart of God towards us? Will we choose to believe that His plans are for our welfare and that His plans are to take care of us, to give us exactly what we need (although not always exactly what we want.) Will we choose to believe that He acts in love towards us... always. No exceptions. That when we are asked to wait, to surrender, it is always because He longs to give us something better, something more. Will we believe Him?

Not that this belief exempts us from the difficulties in life. We do, after all, live in a fallen world. We deal with devastating losses and heart wrenching seasons. I've been there. Recently. And our family is still recovering. One truth that the Lord has taught me through all of our struggles and all of our losses, is that when I am at a difficult place in my journey, I must be sure that I am really, in the moment of devastation, truly believing He will take care of me.

I have often been confronted with the question: "What am I believing-- about God, about life, about myself and the others involved, and why am I believing this?"  In other words, "Do my actions--or my anxieties-- match up with my faith?" Difficult questions in dark moments, especially when these moments drag on into dark days, weeks, and months. (And years.)

So what are the meanings that are associated with difficult experiences? "This is hard... This is not what I had planned... I don't want to go through this." Or, "I can't do this!" Which, often, is the point. We can't. That's why we need Him to do it in and through us.

So then, we have a choice. We can hold onto the "cant's" or we can hold onto Him. We can change the meanings we associate with our circumstances. Like the difference between "Waiting on the Lord" and Waiting in Him.  We can change how we interpret our situation. We can tweak our attitudes, check our understanding of God's character. This does not mean that we gloss over the very real difficulties some seasons bring. But we can look the hard truth of reality in the face, and yet choose hope. We can seek the Lord's perspective, accept the chance to grow beyond where we are now, and we can choose to step into alignment with the purposes and meanings He has designed for us.

Growing by Design:

When I face difficult situations, I have learned the value of speaking the truth out loud to remind my own ears that the Lord is trustworthy, no matter what chaos I am entrenched in at the moment. 

The Truth is that He will give us hope and life... not just everlasting life in heaven but purposeful, meaningful life here on earth. When we become willing to let go of all that we are clinging to and turn to Him, He will never fail to give us more; more love, more strength, more contentment, and most of all, more of Himself.   He knows what He's doing. You can trust Him. Draw near to His heart and wait in Him. He gives us all that we need, if we only ask. He gives us Himself. 

Prayer by Design:

Holy God, I pray that you will bring healing to my heart, my soul, my spirit, and my mind. Teach me to trust in Your heart towards me, today, this moment.  I surrender my burdens to you. (Pour them out to Him now.) Lord I lay _______________ on the alter before you now. I pray that you will carry not just my burdens, but me.  Teach me to discipline my thoughts and attitudes. I choose to trust You.