Ladies By Design

Unlikely Places

 If you have perused through my past postings, you may have a guess as to where this picture was taken. Yes, that's right... Hawaii. I was standing on a volcano to be exact. The very word volcano conjures up exotic images including palm trees and beautiful red-hot molten lava oozing out of the belly of the earth. In truth, for the most part the brilliant fiery displays seldom occur and the magical rivers of liquefied rock are content to move unseen beneath the surface of the earth. To be sure volcano's are majestic, however it can be slightly disappointing to realize that the landscape can be quite bleak and barren at first glance.

As a young girl, I posed for countless pictures in these bleak and barren places. The half-hearted smiles captured by the camera were partly caused by the boredom adolescents are often plagued with. The other reason was that it really is hard to smile when your lungs are filled with the stench of sulphuric gases. Yes, volcano's are bleak, barren, and sometimes stinky. Yet, despite the many offenses to my eyes and ears they are a witness to the fact that beautiful things grow in unlikely places.

 I am many thousands of miles removed from the bleak, barren, and stinky places that I once survived. While survival is admirable, there comes a time when the tiny ferns growing in the bleak, barren, and stinky cracks of the earth simply want more. In time, and sometimes much time, new growth is destined to overtake the desolate.

My father owns land in Hawaii that for the present moment seems useless. A once vibrant and lush paradise the land is now surrounded by lava. It is possible that one day it will be completely taken over. Had my father sold our family inheritance several decades ago, he would have lined his pockets with an instant profit. Instead, he wanted to pass an inheritance to his children. His desires may seem silly as we are now paying taxes on land we could barely pay someone to take. For certain it would seem the land is useless.

I would contend that many areas of our lives mirror my fathers land. After all what good does it do me when I turn the cheek only to suffer yet another humiliating slap on my face? Where is the benefit in giving my heart for it only to be trampled on? What good does that do? I would imagine that there is One who has been storing up an inheritance: rivers of grace and great explosions of loving-kindness. Even spectacular lands of love but we miss it because we become discontent and impatient with what seems to be a bleak, barren and stinky wasteland of life.

 A man named James once taught about endurance, perseverance, and trials. Indeed, as members of the human race, we will suffer at times. We will struggle. Yet, it was recorded in James 1:17 that "every good thing bestowed and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation, or shifting shadow." I dare you to search this truth out for yourself. Read the ancient words penned by James such as "blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life, which the Lord has promised to those that love Him." Isn't it hard to love sometimes? Isn't it a strain to believe in someone with whom you disagree? Again, beautiful things grow in unlikely places.

I have a feeling that my father will never sell his land no matter how worthless I and the rest of the world may judge it to be. I am also convinced that the Father of lights will never sell our inheritance. Oh to be sure, that doesn't mean we are given a free license to live as we please. I offer this story as a witness to the fact that He believes in us. He believes in His promise just as my father believes one day his land will be restored for the blessings of generations still to come. Even if the encroaching lava completely covers his land, my father knows that one day a seed will take root in the fertile heart of the earth. Until then, may it never be that I curse the bleak, barren, and stinky wastelands of this earth and most especially my heart. With all my heart I promise you that God can renew the most hopeless circumstance and clean your deepest and dirtiest wounds. What seeds have been planted in your heart? Is it a question, a hope, a secret, a need, a desire? I dare you to trust in the goodness of the Lord, let him nurture you even in the bleak, barren, and stinky wastelands of life and I promise you will find beautiful things growing in the most unlikely places!

Holding On & Letting Go

Knowing what to hold onto and what to let go of isn't always easy unless you have a trusty guide. Before I stepped over the edge of the platform, nestled safely into the ground, an expert securely hooked me into a harness and double checked all the buckles. Although this was my first attempt at Zip-lining, I felt a little less anxious in the presence of my trusty guides. Can you imagine if I had tried to leap over a cliff on my own? I would have been a wreck. I can just see myself trying to pull back at the last minute only to be strangled in the zip-line. Isn't that how life is experienced at times?

So, why in the world would I want to jump off a cliff anyway? In this instance, I was seeking an adventure. My husband, Shayne, is a sports fanatic. I'm not one for football, soccer or baseball. However, like him, I do enjoy a good trek through the mountains, provided a path is included. We woke up early in the morning and drove up the summit of Haleakala, a volcano on the island of Maui. There we joined a group of fellow adventurers. In the care of our two trusty guides we headed for our first jump.

Along the way, we carefully navigated a network of above ground tree roots. I had my eyes glued to the ground as not to trip. Thankfully I could follow the sound of our trusty guides. Their voices lead the way. Every so often, they stopped us to enjoy the cool mountain fog. They pointed out delicate native plants and quieted us to hear a lovely birdsong.

In this past week, far removed from the unrestrained beauty of that mountain, I lost my way. Last Monday, a still, small, and quiet voice beckoned me to spend some time with Him. So focused on not tripping, I failed to heed the direction of His voice. I had every excuse to brush Him off, "In a minute. When I finish this paper. After I go to this meeting" It wasn't soon before I was lost and unhappy, unsure of myself and feeling so undeserving.

One of our many adventures in Hawaii included journeying to the bottom of a dormant volcano. It was a very long trek to make, especially in slippers and without water. More importantly, we didn't have a trusty guide. On the way back, we returned on the same zigzag path we entered. It seemed that we had fought our way uphill for miles. As our steps slowed, my husband suggested taking a shortcut through the mountain. He pointed out what looked like a path through the jungle. We plunged forward without looking back until we realized that the path had disappeared. I was truly afraid, panicked and edgy. I was consumed with thoughts of being stranded in the jungle. We needed a guide who had been where we were trying to go.

There was a time when I felt like God was a million miles away. He seemed so large and I was so small. I didn't think he really liked me enough to speak to me. After all, I never heard His voice. Even if I thought he would speak to me, I expected to hear a booming, important voice. That voice I never have heard. Instead, I've come to know that His power, wisdom and comfort may be heard in a still, small, and quiet whisper of a voice.

The One who loves us doesn't show his affection by yelling us into compliance. No, He invites us into his lovely presence. He is so unassuming, His voice can be dismissed if we choose to focus elsewhere. Sure, we can live without His presence. We can breathe, eat and sleep. However, in His absence we are sure to spend our days striving for an ever elusive goal. We find ourselves hopelessly lost, panicked and edgy. Have you been there? I dare you to return to your trusty Guide. He has an adventure designed especially for you that will take your breath away. Let His voice provide direction for your steps. You can trust Him to stop you to rest and enjoy a beautiful mountaintop. Hold on to Him and let go of your fears!

For you will go out with joy and be led forth with peace; The mountains and the hills will break forth into shouts of joy before you...Isaiah 55:12

For my fellow adventure seekers, fly on over to Maui and hang out with SkyLine Eco Adventures and their trusty guides. More information may be found atwww.zipline.com.

No Fear!

Having lived in Hawaii for nearly a decade, I've often been asked if I ever surfed. Now anyone that knows me will laugh at that question. Hand-eye coordination I am not blessed with. I do admire the breed of men and women called surfers.  No Fear is a brand popular among the surfing community. Indeed it must take a man or woman with no fear to enter shark infested waters. Sure it looks easy, gliding above the water without a care in the world. The truth is, big waves carry bone crushing power and many have died for the love of their most favorite position in the world. Nevertheless, surfers live to lead their lives in the water. In a sense, surfers possess a form of leadership. Come rain or shine, whether with friends or alone, surfers charge into the unknown as leaders often must. As anything in this life, surfing is a position that a person takes.

We all position ourselves according to our desires. Sometimes the positions we take are an effort to run away from our desires. Hence, we all know wonderfully talented artists, teachers and entrepreneurs parked on the couch. One of my favorite positions is worship. There are actually many forms of praise and worship. Sadly, most believers think worshiping is singing. In ancient days, a person would sit on his or her knees, bowing so low that their forehead would touch the ground. This was a form of worship in which one's heart was physically positioned above the head. A lot could be said about that position. Positions are also postures of our mind: what we believe, our convictions and values. There are a plethora of positions to take, some beautiful as an act of worship and others degrading as an act of self-hate. The positions we take say a lot about who we are, or have become and who we may be someday.

Surfers, like many sports enthusiasts, gym members and such are familiar with the "rush" that accompanies physical activities. I must admit, I've owned a gym membership for over a year and haven't placed on foot inside the facilities. Just the thought of sweating and hurting leads me to a couch. Now, I know a few of you contend it feels great but my negative and perhaps faulty perceptions have kept me away from a position I know will benefit me. I haven't allowed my desire to be healthy to replace other desires to be comfortable. If you want the real truth: I don't go to the gym because I don't want others to see the real me. The me that hides under layers of clothes. More importantly, as I've mentioned before, I struggle with blemishes and I know I can't hide from the world as sweat pours down my face.

 Ironically, the very positions that I know will help to clear up my face, namely exercise and eating right, are the very things I am avoiding. How crazy is that? Worse, over my lifetime I have spent hours in "prayer" begging God to change things for me all the while ignoring the power he's given me to change things myself. How silly we are! I greatly admired my husband when, without a moments hesitation, he accepted an invitation to learn how to surf. My friend, Eric Ahu helped Shayne gear up and took him out into Pohoiki Bay, a place where only locals surf. The shallow bay, lined with a jagged lava bed, is no playground for amateurs. Shayne tried and tried again until he experienced the rush of riding his first wave. Needless to say, he was bitten by the bug and I'm sure if we had more time he'd still be there. He knew what he wanted and he went after it. No fear could hold him back from his heart's desire.

This week I am going to a water aerobics class at the gym. Saying that, I know I'll need to check back in next week and I invite you to hold me accountable. Although I have a few pounds to shed, my heart's true desire is to live a vulnerable life no matter what. Why is it that in the safety of a church service I can worship my heart out but come Monday be so afraid to go to the gym? I have been living with much fear. It really just takes plunging into the fear to be free of it. There was a day that I could barely lift a hand in worship for fear of what others thought of me. After several services bound by my fear, the thought occurred to me to march myself up to the front row. If I was going to ever get over my fear I knew I had to face it head on. In doing so, I took a position that has dramatically changed my life forever as a woman of worship.

Many of us have much stress instead of no fear. Many times we blame our enemies, the economy or our situations for our stress. The truth is we are often to blame. When a person is under duress, either from a tragedy or a common fight with a friend or spouse, their body releases cortisol, a hormone designed to aid the body in producing the necessaryenergy to take action. The problem is, most of us never take action. We react, imploding or exploding emotionally without taking a responsive physical position. We worry. We fret. We get upset. We blame. We look away and all the while the cortisol builds in our system without any relief in sight. We are hiding from the very rush we desire.

Today I witnessed a roomful of ladies by design, courageously paddling out into the deep waters of trust. We never left Texas, but we certainly rode some waves and conquered a few fears in the process. As I look forward to positioning myself on Tuesday, bathing suit and all, in a  water aerobics class, I will be thinking about you. Where do you need to position yourself? Perhaps, as my dear friend Tricia is learning, a measure of healthy silence is the position. Like my friend Hannah, you may need to boldly approach and position yourself in the arms of the One who created you. Maybe you would do well to position yourself amongst a group of men or women that truly care about the restoration of your heart. Be sure that the position you take leads you to still waters, unless your seeking the joyful rush of riding a wave of course! Dive in this week and be free to live as the leader you are as ladies by design with no fear!

Living Naked

Summertime has to be my most favorite time of the year. Surprisingly, this Hawaiian didn't always welcome the warmth of the sun. As a young girl I was a much different person than I am today. I was painfully shy and self-conscious of my flaws: flaws that were easily covered during winter months. A year ago my husband snapped this goofy picture on the North Shore of Oahu. We had spent the day exploring the coast and happened to catch the most amazing sunset before having to board a plane home. Ironically, I lived nearly a decade on the islands never once able to truly enjoy the beauty that surrounded me. In many ways, I was living in hiding. I used to hope that I would be magically redesigned by Cinderella's fairy godmother. The truth is, living vulnerable, and not perfectly, has proved to be a better design to live by after all.

As a little girl, I was often on my own. At least, that's what it felt like. Have you ever returned to your childhood home and noticed how short the walk to school was? As a child, it seemed to be such a trek. Much the same, I believe a child's feelings can be amplified. Thankfully, I enjoyed a lot of time in the safety of my parents presence as a little girl. My dad and I were inseparable and I was beautiful in his eyes. As responsibilities piled on, my hero found himself consumed by the rat race of the Silicon Valley. In his absence I slowly retreated into a shell.

I soon found my body changing, and not for the better. In fifth grade, my teacher, Mrs. Murphy, called me out into the hall to discuss my embarrassing weight gain. Not too long after, my arms, legs and hips began to itch uncontrollably. I scratched and I scratched until one horrible day I discovered the beginning of a web of stretch marks that would claim my body forever. To make matters worse, I developed a severe case of acne that I wrestle with to this day.

As a latch-key kid, I dealt with these traumatic events on my own. The only natural solution that occurred to me was to hide. I always wore a sweatshirt, even in the dead of summer to hide my body.  I begged my mom to let me wear makeup in an attempt to conceal my imperfections.  Most importantly, I covered my legs at all times with long pants and long skirts. I never wore sleeveless tops. I deftly veiled my true motives under the disguise of religious modesty.  My heart however, longed to be free from hiding.

I retreated from activities at school that I loved. Before my body began to change, I was addicted to the swimming pool. Knowing that I wasn't allowed to swim unsupervised, I'd sit by the edge of the pool waiting to hear my parent's car pulling into the driveway. That was my cue to dive in. As a teenager, I opted for home schooling knowing that I would be excused from mandatory swimming classes with my peers. The pool was no longer an enjoyable place to be. Isn't it amazing what extreme measures I took to hide even as a child?

In many ways, hiding was a lifestyle for my family. By the time my parents had me, they had been saved from reckless lifestyles. However, looking back I now realize that even after becoming believers, they continue a lifestyle of hiding. My father only had one arm and I am proud to say that he accomplished more with one arm than most men did with two. All the same, he struggled with an inferiority complex that drove him to mask his handicap with his ability. My mother, brilliantly creative and gifted in the arts, hid behind procrastination as most artists do. Of course, at church I was surrounded by a community of hiding beings that exhibited weight gain, workaholism, and gossiping to name a few. In all of our means to hide our inner hearts we effectively erect self-defeating signs to warn others: "Beware my heart can't be trusted. This is my property and my problem not yours."

Our proclivity to hide is indeed our greatest obstacle as human beings. Whether you believe in the Bible or not, the story of Adam and Eve mirrors our struggle to live vulnerably. They hid much like we hide. Sure we don't cover ourselves with fig leaves, however, we live in a world of hiding opportunities. Tragically, we are hiding from the very thing we crave: relationship. I challenge you to discover what you cover yourself with. Do you veil your insecurities with a false sense of pride? Do you bury your discontentment in chocolate? Do you hide your desires from your loved one? What signs are you sending your spouse, children, friends, and co-workers?

I wonder if my dad ever noticed the change in me? I am sure he must have on some level. I know it is often hard for him to read my stories now. He has the true heart of a father that breaks at my heartache. There are many women who have not had the blessing of knowing a father's unconditional love. You might be one of them. I must say, it wasn't supposed to be that way. My father, both physical and spiritual never once gave up on me. I didn't believe it then but I do now. No matter how hard I tried to hide myself, they both believed in the woman I was created be. I don't care how far removed you may feel from wholeness, purity, innocence or beauty. I dare you to reveal yourself, as you are right now.

As you do, be sure to find a friend that will lovingly help you to reveal your heart. In that aspect, my husband has been a source of healing for me. The moment I met him, I knew he accepted me as I was. I have learned that he loved me to much to let me stay where I was and who I was forever. Before our friendship, I never realized how many great adventures I had been hiding from. He's been a true friend, challenging me to not hide behind my flaws. Instead of passively letting me run away from intimate relationships, he's mirrored the heart of God, always leading me towards living without fear of anyone's opinion.

Upon our return from Hawaii, we were greeted with the typically brutal Texas heat. Today is no exception as the temperature is supposed to reach 104 degrees. In this climate, I have simply been unable to continue hiding. I wear shorts and tank tops now. Sure, I experience I brief panic at times to know my flaws are revealed. The trick is to keep moving. A couple of days ago, I even ventured out to a community swimming pool to meet a girlfriend. I still love being a girl and wearing makeup but my motives have changed. What a difference a motive can make. I urge you to search out your heart and find a friend who can help you to turn up the heat. Get uncomfortable with your hiding place.  There is a beautiful world that is anxiously awaiting your return!