Ladies By Design

Beauty for Ashes

Have you ever had a moment or season in life that you wished would never end?  Or maybe it was the opposite; a time or season in your life that you wished would quickly go away.  I imagine you have, because I have, many times.  Yet, like it always is with time, within a few short weeks, the season we long to hold so tightly to or quickly release slowly fades bringing with it something new.  Another page turns or even maybe a new chapter begins.  Seasons are an important part of our lives because they remind us that change is always occurring and we all know that change is inevitable.  More often than not, we fear letting go of what we have for fear of the unknown.  In spite of how “good” things seem, there will come darker times too.  It is part of life's process. 

The four seasons that foreseeably come each year are marked by changes in weather, ecology, and hours of daylight change.  They emanate in order for us to survive the weathers in our system.  Life seasons arise in order to help us grow so that we can fulfill the destiny we were created for.  God has incorporated these life seasons as part of His plan for our spiritual growth. However, if we are not careful, we will withhold the tides of change from turning never realizing that we are stunting our very growth.  Many times, we believe we are holding fast to something we simply cannot live without.  We convince ourselves that the value of these possessions far outweigh what lies ahead, only to find out later that we are sitting on a pile of ashes.  Ashes in some instances created by our hands and in other times by the hands of someone else.  We all know there is nothing beautiful about ashes, but still, we remain in the midst of the pile.

In the book One Thousand Gifts, Ann Voskamp shares about a time where she suffered a great loss in one single moment.  Ann was only 4 years old when she watched as her baby sister was crushed by a truck.  At that very moment, Ann entered a season that would last into her adulthood.  This tragedy took her spiraling into a very large pile of ashes, robbing her of joy, laughter, trust, and faith.  Ann’s life would never be the same.  Not only would she witness the physical death of her sibling, but she would have to endure witnessing the spiritual death of her family.  This season in her life catapulted her family into self-destruction as they closed their fists and hearts to God.  Ann spent years in darkness and lifeless to those closest to her.  Her days were surrounded with fear, anxiety, and the hope of drifting into a deep sleep where she would never have to wake up.  She had no idea that there was One greater than her despair, who promised her beauty for ashes.  (Isaiah 61:3)  Until one night, a very terrifying nightmare in which Ann dreams she is dying of cancer becomes a catalyst that helps her realize how much she really wants to live.  Suddenly, she is awakened to the debris that covered her heart.  Slowly, Ann makes the decision to trust as she opens her fist and heart to God once again.  Stay tuned….her story does not end here.

You may be asking yourself as Ann did, how long have I been asleep?  What happened to me that led me to this pile of ashes I find myself in?  When did I close my fist and heart to God?  Is there any hope for me?  Whether or not this is your story today, it may be one day as the seasons in your life change.  Still, if this is your story, I want you to rest assured of one thing; God has a crown of beauty for your ashes waiting for YOU.  Open your fist today, open your heart today, and let this be the start of a new chapter in your life.  Choose life and speak to the dead things that lay hold of your heart.  Wake up Beloved, it’s a new day!

Jo XO

Never Forget

Each morning as I drive my sweet girls to school we say a prayer before I drop them off.  I always end our prayer with these words:  “Lord, please don’t ever let my girls forget how much You love them, because You are crazy about them.”  I do not know when or how I came to choose those exact words, but I never end our prayer without them.  What I do know is that it is something I have to remind myself of each day.  “Lord, please don’t ever let me forget how much you love me.”  These words are life to me!  Yet, how many times do I find myself questioning God’s love? 

As a woman, I fully recognize that life and the journey to live life well will bring tests that will no doubt drive me to my knees.  This is why I must be reminded of who I am, daily.  Guilt, shame, past mistakes, wrong decisions, desires, these are just a few of the things that continually rob me of life abundantly.  No matter how many times God has saturated me with His love; I eventually wind up questioning it.  Tonight, during our incredible bible study of Genesis Girls, I was re-introduced to Sarah, you know, Abraham’s wife.  However, this time, God allowed me to see her in a whole new light.  She was a woman of incredible faith that inherited her husband’s blessing.  However, Sarah had moments where she questioned her place as the one who would conceive the promise.  Still, God in His faithfulness never waivered from the plan.  In Genesis 21:1-2, the bible tells us that after she gave birth to Isaac “the LORD took note of Sarah as He had said, and the LORD did for Sarah as He had promised.”  In spite of wrong decisions and her desire to take matters into her own hands, God took note of her and kept His promise.  He loved Sarah, and nothing she did or could ever do would change His plans for her future. 

Many times we find ourselves in a state of doubt, not aware of the fact that we have lost hope, faith, and belief that God is true to His promises and His love for us.  But the truth of the matter is that God DOES love us!  Not only does He love us, but He delights in keeping His promises to us, in spite of ourselves.  I want to remind someone reading this blog about God’s love.  No matter where you are, know this one thing, You are LOVED!  God is able to take your guilt and shame and turn them into beauty.  He is able to use your past mistakes and wrong decisions as tools that will help you know Him better.  Nothing surprises the LORD!  There isn’t anything you have done, said, or thought that shocks Him.  You are loved, not just any kind of love, but that crazy, stupid kind of love.  It’s really that simple.  I have spent my whole life searching for “the one” that will sweep me off my feet and love me unconditionally, but there is no one or nothing that can fill that desire except God.  He wants to be "the One" who fills my heart with hope and love.  My greatest desire and prayer is that I will never forget again how much He loves me.  I pray that God will continually remind me of who I am even in those tough times so that I can rise above the ashes in the confidence that I AM LOVED, that I AM HIS!  May you never forget how loved you are by the Father, because He is crazy in love with YOU! 

Jo XO

Fleeting Moments

It seemed as though my birthday had just passed, then before I knew it, here it was again. As I get older, birthdays become a reminder of how quickly time flies. Ann said it best when she said these are but “fleeting moments”. Every morning we wake up older, never thinking about the brief time we are given, until our health begins to fail, or some kind of tragedy hits us close to home. As I sat in the hospital room next to my mother’s bed this week, I realized more than ever just how fragile life is and how our time on earth is but a vapor. I wondered if at my age, it ever crossed her mind that her heart would eventually get so sick. I have watched my momma weep over her physical condition, saddened by the knowledge that unless God changes the damage to her heart, she will struggle for the remainder of her years.

Just 3 days prior to our trip to the hospital, I was celebrating another birthday. My birthday still makes me feel like a little girl, excited about being with those I love the most, excited about being the “center of attention”, even for just a day, and excited to just be alive. However, it’s not long before reality strikes, and my thoughts quickly turn and I am reminded that I am not a little girl anymore; life is passing me by so quickly. What am I doing about it? There are still so many things I want to see and do. As I watched her drift in and out of sleep, I thought about her life and how hard it has been for her. She grew up in a home where tears flowed often, only to become a woman, leave home and continue to live in abuse. Despite all her heartache, the one word I would use to describe my momma is faithful. She is faithful, to her family, her husband, her children, and her friends. My mom is beautiful, she is strong, and she is giving, and she loves unconditionally. All amazing attributes that make up this amazing woman. There are many things about my mom that make her so incredible; but, I know she carries a great deal of hurt inside of her. Maybe she lives with regrets in her heart. Perhaps, this is what causes the tears to flow from her eyes some days. Still, the moments are fleeting by her, by me, by us.

That night in the hospital, I wanted to ask my momma this question: “If you could turn back time,
what would you change about your life?”

Because I know her, I think she would say exactly what I would say:

“I would do so many things differently. I would start out by soaking up each moment with my family! I would hug those I love tighter, play hide and seek, chase you in the backyard, fill your bath with bubbles. I would cuddle and watch a movie with you all, and I would read a bedtime story every night. I would love deeper, cook more often, eat slower, take long walks, watch the sunrise and set more often. I would sing louder, dance in the rain with my kids, bake cookies every Saturday afternoon. I would take long naps, go to church every Sunday, and sing at the top of my lungs. I would give to others more often, I would kiss your daddy longer, and I would….I would…I would….”

Yes, the moments are fleeting quickly and the truth is that we can’t turn back time. But we can soak up each moment today. We can be aware and present at every moment. What I discovered during these last few days is that I do not have to spend time looking back at my life with regret; instead I can spend my time living, loving, and singing at the top of my lungs. Life does not have to pass you by my friend. Don’t waste another second wishing and hoping you could do things different, go forth, never looking back, and do something different! Enjoy this life God has given you. It’s a gift, open your hands and receive what God has for you now…..and live life well. That is my prayer for my momma, and that is my prayer for you.

Jo XO

Eyes Wide Open

At this very moment, as I begin to write my piece, I confess that in this season of my life, I feel like my life is a complete mess and I feel utterly undone.  Yet, all around me, I witness the signs of spring time, a time for all things new, a time when dead things suddenly spring to life again.  Funny isn’t it?  If the truth be told, I almost find it comical, you know, the things God can call us to, or put in our path, especially in moments when His light in us can seem so dim.  Still, HE knows just what we need and just exactly when we need it.

It had been a while since I saw my dear friend Marilynn.  We were so excited to spend our lunch hour together and just visit.  I had purposed in my heart to just sit and listen to Mare’s heart during our visit.  But somehow, her presence just radiates peace and love, so I ended up pouring my heart out to her, again!  During our time together, Marilynn introduced me to a book she was reading, One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp.  She knows that I am a lover of books.  As she described the book to me; I realized that God was up to something.  He alone knew the status of my heart, and as always, He had a way of escape for me.  Marilynn saw the hunger in me and asked me not to buy the book because she wanted to give it to me as a gift.  I promised her I would not buy the book, and instead, I rushed back to the office and downloaded the first chapter :-).

That night, in my living room, I began to read Ann’s story.  Slowly, I could feel the walls around me come down, and my heart began to break.  Yes, I was undone, before I knew it, I was crying out to God in repentance, ready to receive what He had for me this season.  Deep inside I longed to live life to the fullest.  My heart could relate to Ann’s brokenness.  Still, in the midst of all her brokenness, she found an answer that would change her life forever and bring healing.  This book is the beginning of my journey to live my life with eyes wide open.  Challenging me to see the little nuggets God has set before me, along my path through life.  These nuggets or gifts as Ann calls them give light in the dark times, and hope when all we feel is despair. These "gifts" are life when everything around us seems to be dying!

One thing led to another and before I knew it, Marilynn, Bekah, and I were sitting at Mochalux on Saturday morning preparing for our next assignment, this blog, this journey, this commitment to live life empty, so that we can live a fuller life.  What does this all mean?  Well, I am not sure what it means to every individual that will choose to trek along with us on this journey, but for me, it means to engage in life again, to commit to having my eyes wide open.  A few months ago I bought my first really cool digital camera.  This morning I took it out of the bag, dusted it off and decided that I would capture the nuggets in my life, the gifts God has set for me along the way.  Yes, living my life with eyes wide open, and lens wide open.  God is up to something, I hope you will stay tuned and partake in my awakening.

Jo XO

Jo Ann: The Warrior

The second of five kids, I was always described by my mom as a “doer” or “fixer”. Through the years, I have somehow fallen into the role of the “go to” person. I can read a book about something cool and interesting all too often destined to become the expert on the subject. I find it a bit comical at times, except the older I have gotten, I have come to accept “doing” as a divine assignment.

 

As far as I can remember, I was always doing something, making something, creating something, or in charge of something. I spent a lot of my time coming up with ideas that would entertain or please someone else. Funny thing is: I am still doing that. As a kid, I was always looking for opportunities to change the environment around me, a dreamer, per se. I would gather my siblings to play school. Of course, I always had to play the role of the teacher and the principle. Why they played along, I will never know, but they always seemed to follow my lead. At family events, I would create a quick skit and cast my siblings, cousins, or friends. It didn’t matter who happened to be around, I would immediately recruit them, assign parts and direct the scenes. 

 

Throughout the years, not much has changed. I am still orchestrating and directing the lives of those around me. Still, I have come to see myself more as a “protector”. Life has taught me some important lessons and I am often protectively compelled to do something about the problems of those around me. However, my strength often turns into a weakness. Focusing on solutions for others distracts me from finding solutions for myself. When I run out of problems to fix, I find things to do. I have delved into the academic arena and I have completed some incredible goals. As an entrepreneur, doors have opened, and in spite of bad decisions or wrong turns, grace has kept my business afloat. By the world’s standards, I am a successful person. In my lifetime, I have achieved things I have set out to do. On the other hand, the accomplishments I have achieved were things I wanted to accomplish. In the end, what value or weight will my self-willed accomplishments hold if I am not living out my purpose, if I never reach my destiny?

 

I do believe that I am called to be a “warrior.” Oddly enough, another label given to me by those who know me best, my family is that of the “peacemaker.”  This role is accurate, but only when it is necessary.  I do not like conflict and I would much rather work things out and get along.  However, I have recently come to understand that when it comes to the spiritual side of things, I am a warrior.  At times, warriors must face conflict. At times without even thinking, I have found myself in the trenches fighting for those I love. I enjoy fighting for those who seem to have no strength of their own to posses gifts that have lain dormant, been rejected or abused.

 

You may be wondering, what truly defines a warrior? I would have to say that the definition can be a subjective one. It depends on who you are asking. For me, a warrior is one who is fearless and able to conquer foes and possess territory, someone like Achilles in the movie, Troy.  If you haven’t watched it, you must, if for no other reason than to watch this warrior defeat his enemies so effortlessly. To war is not necessarily a way of life, there are seasons when we must engage in warfare, but a warrior is always prepared.  Even in times when a warrior is not actively engaged in the heat of the battle, he or she is always training, always alert, and always ready.  In most cases, a warrior is not easily distracted. He or she has mastered the discipline it takes to be on task, even when off task.  Ironically, I have often described myself as a fearful person.  How then, can I just naturally pick up a sword and go to battle?  It’s really very simple. I was born with gifts formed in my momma’s womb.  You see, before we breathed our first breath, God was equipping us with all the tools we would need to walk out our purpose. In other words, all the potential I ever needed has always been within me.

 

Just being a mother, puts me in a battlefield, after all, mommies are warriors. Just try to hurt one of our little ones and watch what manifests. Even the most timid mommy is prepared for war when it comes to protecting her own. As a mother and a grandmother, my desire is to instill the belief that all the potential they will ever need is already in them. That alone is a battle in itself with all the other voices our children are exposed to. I am aware that I cannot live their lives for them, but I can love them and encourage them to be who they were created to be. To love is war! I can encourage each one with affirmations and ensure that I make time for them. I can give them room to fall and make mistakes and be there when they need to be held.  I can teach them to take risks and face their fears.  I can teach them how to war for themselves. As I love them, I can pass down life's lessons and teach them through my victories and my mistakes. 

 

Moving forward, how can I continue to prepare for the role that I was born to play?  Am I the author of my life’s script? Whose voice will direct my every move? Will I stop running from what I fear? Will I reveal my whole heart through my writings? Will I stop hiding from what God has called me to do?  All these questions bring with them a theatrical feeling when in reality, it is very simple.  In Psalm 18:34 we are reminded that:  “He teaches my hands to make war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze." Is there a warrior within your heart? I challenge you to join me on this mission. We will take our cues from the greatest lives ever lived, including our own. Will you pursue the heart of one you love? Will you believe you are loved? Will you let go of foolish exploits and die to selfish wants? Will you lay down your achievements and learn to have a teachable spirit? Will you open your vulnerable heart to a creator that longs simply to love you? I am taking the part. Come, let us prepare for what is to be a great adventure.

 

Let Faith Arise

Recently I was reminded, when our hearts are opened with simple childlike faith, anything is possible! It's been nearly two weeks ago now that our area was hit with severe thunderstorms and strong winds.  Tornado warnings flashed on the television while the sound of sirens penetrated my neighborhood.  Although Texas is no stranger to such weather conditions, it was one of the worst storms I have ever experienced.  When I opened my front door to see how bad it looked, the trees in my front yard were bent over by the force of the tumultuous winds.  You could actually see the blustery weather pushing the rain, the sky appeared to be a brownish green, and it was indeed a scary sight.  I immediately rushed to the phone to call my daughter and make certain she was in her home and not on the road.  When Chelsi answered the phone, I could hear my little Aubrey, she crying in the background.  Not only was she frightened from all the thunder and lightning, but our little 5 year old baby girl was crying about "Haiti".  At first, her mother couldn't make out what she was saying:  all she could understand were the words:  "What about Haiti?"  As it turned out, Aubrey's distress was for a little girl who lived in a poor village in Haiti who hadn't a roof over her head.  The child happens to be one of the mission kids that Aubrey's school supports.  It was difficult for Aubrey to comprehend that the storms we were experiencing in Dallas, Texas were not affecting her friend in Haiti.  While her mommy tried to explain that her friend was not in any danger, Aubrey continued to cry.  By this time, my daughter asked if she could give me a call back after she calmed Aubrey down a little.  As I let Chelsi go, I encouraged her to pick up Aubrey and pray with her.

After about twenty minutes of very heavy rains, the noise and chaos that had been surrounding us abruptly came to peaceful calm.  The skies had cleared and the worst of the storm had passed over us.  Within minutes, the phone rang.  As expected, it was my daughter Chelsi.  With her voice shaking, she began to tell me about her little girl's incredible prayer.  She tearfully said:  "Oh mom, Aubrey's prayer was simple, innocent and full of faith.  With tears streaming down her cheeks, she pleaded with the Lord to protect her friend in Haiti and make the storms go away."  Aubrey's brokenness and fervency had moved her mommy to tears.  With the storms gone now, Chelsi walked Aubrey outside to ease her mind.  She informed Aubrey that her prayer had been answered.  Aubrey shouted with excitement, "He heard me mommy!  He's really real, He's really real!  I can't wait to tell all my friends at school tomorrow that Jesus is real!"  All fear and anxiety was gone, she leaped in the yard with her heart full of praise.  Without her even knowing, Aubrey's faith had instantly risen to another level.  Until now, prayer had been an act of faith without any substantial results that she could really grasp.  Nonetheless, faith as she knew it would never be the same.  It is as if she has graduated to another level!

Perhaps you find yourself in a place where faith seems beyond your grasp.  Life has bombarded you so that you do not know how to even begin to reignite the flame of faith again.  I assure you it will not take much.  Just like the simple faith of a child who trusted in a God who could calm the storm, all you need to do is believe a little, open your heart, and trust that He is really real.  I did it!  I found that sometimes stretching ourselves can create an atmosphere of faith.  For me, sharing my voice on the Ladies by Design website required me to believe.  I had to trust God and take a step in faith.  I began with a simple bio, believe me that was rough.  But, I let my faith arise, so the next step was to believe that I could scale walls.  As I began to believe in my own voice again, I had to confront walls of insecurity, because of my past, walls of fear, afraid that what I had to share would never impact lives or help other women live as ladies by design.  However, the truth of the matter is that I was never alone; God was with me all along.  I realized that He created each one of us with a voice that could change lives, including me.  My faith has risen to such a level that I can proclaim with confidence, I have a purpose.  We were fearfully and wonderfully made, designed for greatness.  Are you ready to see the storm clouds move out of your situation?  Are you ready to go to another level?  Are you ready to let your faith arise?  I dare you, take a leap of faith, or a simple step, either way, there are gifts that have been placed inside of you by the One who designed you with love.