When I started writing for Ladies By Design, little men didn't register on my radar. I was oblivious to children. Now, as a new mommy, I see the world through my son's eyes—sometimes because I try, but mostly by default.
When we are at the park, I can't help but notice how oblivious adults consumed with busy thoughts rush past us—never seeing his small hand waving hello. Oblivious adults like myself don't often look down but this morning was different. I didn't just look down—I got down on my knees.
Little man seemed to wake up in a foul mood today. Usually, he's such the chum, the good natured happy boy. Today was different. His schedule was different. Life has been different lately. I'm sure he's been absorbing the tension we felt since my husband was laid-off. Toddler or not, he knows.
I wasn't thinking about his feelings this morning. As I pulled into my parent's driveway, I'd determined to do a drop and dash. I was looking up and ahead, past my child, and into my busy thoughts. Oblivious, I asked for a kiss and little man responded with a slap.
Of course, I immediately scolded him, even punished him, but I didn't dash as planned. Instead I lingered by default. I waited by default. I stalled by default. A few unhurried minutes passed as I studied the back of his little hoodie. Then, he turned and lunged at me with a bear hug. By default, I was waiting for his heart to soften. Not just for my sake, but for his.
In the moment, it was tempting to walk away. I knew he would be in good hands. I had a full day of work waiting for me but God had a work to do in me first. Often, I think of God as a hurried parent, impatient with my petulance and mistakes—"I'll be back when you are ready to behave." That's not who He is though. I am not a theologian but I think He waits on us. He waits for our hardened heart to soften. He waits for our unreasonable emotions and contemptuous attitudes to be still. He waits for us.
Had I simply rushed off—I may have gained a hurried minute but I would have lost a defining moment. May we all spend more time on our knees, being still, and loving our children as Ladies By Design.